Autobiographies

Too many famous people write more than one autobiography.
They should only be allowed to write their autobiographies three months before they die.

- Justin, on temporal mechanics and mortality

Chickens

Chickens are arseholes.
It is a fact: they cannot be tamed.

- Justin, on chickens

Babies

I don't like babies. I think I'm scared of them, because you only have to touch them and they die.

- Justin, on child mortality rates

Handling growth

I could feel it getting bigger in my hand. It was a bit wet.

- Justin, shortly after being surprised by a Street Magician

Sugar

I used to lick congealed candyfloss off my shelf as a kid.
But I don't like licking bookshelves just generally.

- Justin, on justified furniture licking

Journalism

Why are you being so weird?

- Justin, noticing me writing down exactly what he is saying

Space

The weirdest thing about space is that it's all upside down;
but the worst thing about being in space would be having a poo.

- Justin, on the essentials of space travel